Open position requirements

I bet you all have read some of those half-joking, half-truth open position requirements. I got those from a friend's email. Please tell me they are not true.
Ability to take charge: Your boss works 60-70 hours a week and has been looking very pale lately;
Ability to work independently: No support staff, you're on your own;
Boss's right hand: 1. Boss has two left hands; 2. Boss needs someone to do his work also;
Casual environment: 1. Dress down on alternate Fridays; 2. Personnel reviews done in company lunchroom or at company parties;
Challenging environment: Everyone here hates each other;
College degree required: We want to brag about having a college-degreed person doing this menial task;
College grads encouraged: We hope you'll accept any job, even this one, so you can pay off your loans;
Diverse environment: We have one of everything here;
Entrepreneurial culture: We really don't know what we're doing so we're making it up as we go along;
Entry Level: Low pay, lotsa work, no future;
Excellent benefits: The salary is below average;
Excellent opportunity: The rest of that phrase should read "to earn a paycheck" because that's all you're going to get;
Experienced: No training provided;
Experienced only: You'll be the only one who can do your job;
Fast-paced environment: You'll have to meet unreasonable deadlines with few or no proper resources to get the job done; lots of stress;
Flexible hours: Overtime and weekend work required with no advanced notice;
Ground-floor opportunity: Either an entry-level position, minimum wage grunt job, or another MLM scheme;
Leadership abilities: Your boss wants someone to cover for him while he plays golf;
Managerial experience: You'll be expected to supervise a bunch of children;
Motivated: Desperate;
Must be detail-oriented: You have to correct everyone else's sloppy work, but heaven help you if you make even the slightest error;
Re-entering the work force:1. You earn the same as you would as a stay at home mom without the cute smiles; 2. We'll pay you entry level wages and expect managerial experience
Recently founded by a leading ______ : The person who started this company was fired from every job he's ever had;
Room for advancement: We want you to replace your future boss but at a smaller salary;
Salary history required: We don't want to pay a lot for your work;
Salary requirements: We don't want to read all the resumes we receive. Note: also see Salary History.
Salary negotiable: 1. We don't know how much to pay; 2. The more you can do, the less we can pay;
Self starter: You must do the job perfectly as soon as you start;
Some travel required: don't expect to see your family in the foreseeable future -- and this phrase almost never means that you'll be traveling to Paris, Rome or NYC;
Supervisory position: We'll blame you for the other people's screw ups;
Team player: 1. Your boss gets the credit, you get the blame; 2. Don't you dare have an opinion of your own
VC-funded start-up: We don't have a product, we don't have a service, we don't have any customers and we can barely make payroll.